What game am I?

The thing you put on your foot

The money bag

The ship

The single wheel transportation device

The animal you race

The needle thing

The thing that keeps your head warm

The woman's most used electric appliance

The 4 wheel transportation device


-I am Monopoly (Santana" 2010)

Santana" - Fucking new couples just don’t get it.

A NEW POST! FINALLY? Well yeah.

Hey guys, so sorry I haven't been posting much lately. I kind of decided to take a bit of a break from writing, but then the break just dragged on and on for close to a year. But here goes a new post from Santana” 2008.

A lot of things pissed me off during this break of nearly a year, but I'll start with start with some recent events that have really annoyed me. I'm a year 13 student in college; we call it college in New Zealand but for all you Americans out there I guess it’s “high school”. But putting that aside for now..

I don’t understand, perhaps you can tell me why couples keep popping out of nowhere during winter? Is it because it’s cold and everyone needs a person to cuddle?

OR

Is it because people are recovering from the summer breakups after new years?? Either way it’s starting to get damn annoying.

AND just to top it off, spring is coming soon. First winter, then spring couples. Those assholes need to give me a break. Don't get me wrong guys, I do feel grateful them and I do wish them the best of luck. But at least show some courtesy and keep that couple stuff out of my sight, I honestly don’t need to see what you guys do in the bedroom, in public.

I'm currently single, not one of those sad sulking singles, I'm a happy one. I actually quite enjoy being single until stuff like that happens. When you keep feeling grateful for other people, you leave none for yourself. All the content and satisfying feelings from being a single get stripped from you, and you are left feeling quite empty. Similar to how you pay taxes.

The other day I was at work, one of my colleges just got a new girlfriend and he just wouldn’t stop texting her during work. Being a friend and his supervisor I was faced with an awful dilemma, should I bust this son of a bitch for slacking off? Or should I just do him a favour and be understanding of how he is going through the “honey moon” stage of his relationship. I was going to let him off until that asshole came up to me and started listing why his new girlfriend is so gorgeous. I didn't give a shit, in a matter of fact I didn’t give 2 shits about how she had beautiful eyes or how she is really playful. Seriously, how the fuck did he want me to respond to his bullshit? I just told that idiot to get back to work and printed him a warning letter.

So when I was driving home after work that day, I thought up a new policy that I should adopt. I think it’s a pretty good one maybe you should use it too. Instead of getting my feelings taxed by these thick insolent rats, I should just rip their sweet feelings off before they get a chance to affect my mood. Here’s an example:

“Hey Santana” you know that girl I was telling you about the other day? Well me and her are now”

“Shut the fuck up asshole, hope you guys break up soon”

That should teach them a lesson not to try ruin my mood or anyone else’s. But then again, these assholes never get it, same with the fucking vegans.

Santana" - Mosquitoes & Malaria, M&M’s

So here I am using a laptop to type up this post. I hate laptop keyboards, what the fuck is with them anyway. I seem to have hit the backspace key more than the amount of words that I typed. Annoying, really annoying. They are insensitive and uncomfortably placed, its just so dumb. If they could spend all that money on researching thin LCD monitors and shitty touch pads, WHY THE FUCK CAN’T THEY MAKE A BETTER KEYBOARD.

I hate mosquitoes, they are really lame. What the fuck do those assholes want, I don’t mind letting you suck some of my blood, I don’t even mind having malaria. I’m sure most people wouldn’t mind losing a couple millilitres of blood, you want it? Sure, take it. But why the fuck do you have to give me a HUGE fucking RED AND ITCHY LUMP! Are you an asshole or what.

I was studying malaria the in biology class the other day, to be honest I don’t really think malaria is that bad. For the poor people that couldn’t afford antibiotics to cure it? Yeah, I mean that sucks for them, I really do feel sympathetic for those people. Honest, no sarcasm. I just think it would feel pretty shit if you died from malaria. Just the sheer fact that you got FUCKED OVER by a mosquito pretty much sucks more donkey cock. I would feel totally raped if I died from malaria -

- anybody else that could afford malaria treatment and died from malaria probably would feel the same way too. Not only did some son of a bitch steal your blood and give a an itchy lump, it also gave you a pussy ass CURABLE disease and you subsequently died from it. That’s got to fucking suck so hard, it’s not like you get raped once and the rapists kills you, but the rapist actually rips you off by sealing your wallet and then raping your TWICE before he leaves you alone for the STD to kill you. Holy shit.

Lets just say some dumbass you know died from malaria, here is why you shouldn’t feel sorry for him although it seems like such a shitty way to die. (just assume it’s a guy for now, I don’t like typing the he/she bullshit, fuck being politically correct)

This is a very probable scenario of how this dumbass managed to die from malaria. This starts off right after this idiot realizes that he got bitten:

“Oh shit! I just got bitten. I’m in a country where malaria is a known issue, I know its a life threatening disease if it’s not treated. But I think I’ll just leave it, because I’m sure its just a harmless bite”

A few days later, the bite has gone away no more itching and swelling. But he starts to feel a cold settling in.

“Fuck I’ve got a sore throat and I think I have a fever coming down. I think I’ll just take some Panadol and rest up.”

This dumbass takes the Panadol and reassures himself that it’s only a cold while he sulks about not being able to stare into the wildlife and watch birds shit on each other. That faggot probably doesn’t know what the discovery channel is.

A few days later; he got fucked.

1. He is an A+ dumbass for not going to see a doctor after he got sick from a mozzie bite.

2. Slap that faggot in the face, he was in a 3^rd world country where malaria is a known problem. You shouldn’t be anywhere near 3^rd world countries unless you are a voluntary helper.

3. Slap that faggot in the face again, because he went to Africa for a holiday. Who the fuck would like to spend their holidays with 500 miles of desert and poverty. Not to mention the animals, the animals’ shit, and the stupid mosquitoes that killed him. Don’t you think you are an asshole when so many people from the 3^rd world country want to get out, and ironically you are going there for a “holiday”? How would the little bloated African boys from World Vision feel if they saw you. Its like saying “I wanna go to hell” in front of Bush when you are in heaven, fuck off asshole. Although saying it to Bush may be acceptable, depending on Jesus’ mood at the time I assume.

4. He’s just a faggot because he fucked your girlfriend.

5. Clearly he is wrong about it being a cold. Most people that experience malaria symptoms think that it’s a cold, and these are the assholes that normally die.

The guy that died from malaria probably didn’t know what killed him too. So next time you get told how another dumbass died from malaria, laugh. Laugh at the person that died, and also laugh at the person that told you if he showed any signs of pity. (Laugh really loud too, point at them for extra dramatic effect)

I personally think that malaria is shit. But what sucks even more are MOSQUITOES. They are ugly ass faggots too.