May cause heart failure. 2,373 assholes reportedly died from cardiac arrest after reading this website.

You mad?

Eataloser is batshit crazy no matter how you look at it. In fact there is never a shortage of crazy on this website, and in all honestly its only purpose is really just to act as a fuel for my egoistical actions.

Bullshit rains down 25/7 in this place. Since I'm working overtime to ensure that people are offended, I expect you to at least appreciate my efforts and try to enjoy your stay.

Thursday, March 24, 2011

Dr Suess was the best rapper of all time. Probably.

I am Sam,

Sam I am

That Sam-I-am

That Sam-I-am!

I do not like

that Sam-I-am

Do you like

green eggs and ham?

I do not like them,


I do not like

green eggs and ham.

Would you like them

Here or there?

I would not like them

here or there.

I would not like them


I do not like

green eggs and ham.

I do not like them,


Who just nostalgia'd hard?

(Santana" 2011)

Saturday, November 6, 2010

What game am I?

The thing you put on your foot

The money bag

The ship

The single wheel transportation device

The animal you race

The needle thing

The thing that keeps your head warm

The woman's most used electric appliance

The 4 wheel transportation device

-I am Monopoly (Santana" 2010)

Sunday, June 15, 2008

Santana" - Fucking new couples just don’t get it.


Hey guys, so sorry I haven't been posting much lately. I kind of decided to take a bit of a break from writing, but then the break just dragged on and on for close to a year. But here goes a new post from Santana” 2008.

A lot of things pissed me off during this break of nearly a year, but I'll start with start with some recent events that have really annoyed me. I'm a year 13 student in college; we call it college in New Zealand but for all you Americans out there I guess it’s “high school”. But putting that aside for now..

I don’t understand, perhaps you can tell me why couples keep popping out of nowhere during winter? Is it because it’s cold and everyone needs a person to cuddle?


Is it because people are recovering from the summer breakups after new years?? Either way it’s starting to get damn annoying.

AND just to top it off, spring is coming soon. First winter, then spring couples. Those assholes need to give me a break. Don't get me wrong guys, I do feel grateful them and I do wish them the best of luck. But at least show some courtesy and keep that couple stuff out of my sight, I honestly don’t need to see what you guys do in the bedroom, in public.

I'm currently single, not one of those sad sulking singles, I'm a happy one. I actually quite enjoy being single until stuff like that happens. When you keep feeling grateful for other people, you leave none for yourself. All the content and satisfying feelings from being a single get stripped from you, and you are left feeling quite empty. Similar to how you pay taxes.

The other day I was at work, one of my colleges just got a new girlfriend and he just wouldn’t stop texting her during work. Being a friend and his supervisor I was faced with an awful dilemma, should I bust this son of a bitch for slacking off? Or should I just do him a favour and be understanding of how he is going through the “honey moon” stage of his relationship. I was going to let him off until that asshole came up to me and started listing why his new girlfriend is so gorgeous. I didn't give a shit, in a matter of fact I didn’t give 2 shits about how she had beautiful eyes or how she is really playful. Seriously, how the fuck did he want me to respond to his bullshit? I just told that idiot to get back to work and printed him a warning letter.

So when I was driving home after work that day, I thought up a new policy that I should adopt. I think it’s a pretty good one maybe you should use it too. Instead of getting my feelings taxed by these thick insolent rats, I should just rip their sweet feelings off before they get a chance to affect my mood. Here’s an example:

“Hey Santana” you know that girl I was telling you about the other day? Well me and her are now”

“Shut the fuck up asshole, hope you guys break up soon”

That should teach them a lesson not to try ruin my mood or anyone else’s. But then again, these assholes never get it, same with the fucking vegans.