Santana" - THERE WAS AN INVASION! 2885 days ago

I have always hated Microsoft word. Want to know why?

Once upon a time(2885 days ago when I was 8 and a bit), I was firing up my PC to jot down random thoughts I had coming into my mind onto a shitty word processor by the name (can you guess?) “Microsoft Word”, and being not much of a programmer or a computer geek I did not realize any abnormalities in this foul software at first. By a glance of the eye everyone was fooled to think that this is just another buggy piece of shit program Microsoft released. For me this bugger always caused an error message and froze my computer. I hated computer freezes. Everything about them sucked. I would try moving my mouse around in frustrated strokes not seeing the actual cursor move. My only friend on Windows, Mr. task manager called “cntrl-alt-del” would never summon at these times, I knew better than to spam those 3 buttons in anger to try and get his attention. (Learning from previous lessons that the consequences for breaking the keyboard was quite severe in my household) I then quickly came to believe that every time he failed to summon he was fighting the ugly monster boss ‘Windows 98’ behind my monitor. (I still do now it’s just that the monster now is a higher level boss called ‘Windows XP’)

My computer has finally booted and I am now at my desktop with my cursor floating over the icon of the bewitched program.

10 seconds later: I was afraid. Trembling at the thought of the error message and still reluctant to executed word, I considered shutting down my computer and formatting my hard drive with a strong fridge magnet I had in my hand at the time.

30 seconds later: I scan around the room for note taking alternatives.

45 seconds later: Pen and paper spotted at the corner of room just out of my finger’s reach. Although office stationary rarely upset me and never talk back with stupid error messages, I am still not pleased at the idea of removing my ass from my chair.

1 minute later: I remember I had Norton Antivirus installed after consulting advice from a friend after the last crash. I was no longer afraid.

[Note: Hey come on, I was 8 or 9 back then how the fuck was I supposed to know that Norton Antivirus IS a virus???]

1 minute and some seconds later: Word started up.

I was naive and thought in simple logic like a little kid should. I thought Mr. Paperclip being the annoying asshole he is, should be detected as a virus and removed from my computer.

I was wrong. That mother fucker just popped right out at me. I was angry.

After issuing Mr. Paperclip with my “fuck off” command, I went back to work

But no matter how many times I told that asshole to fuck off, he never did. WHAT THE FUCK DOES THAT ASSHOLE WANT FROM ME.

Although just an ordinary seeming word processor I realized that underlying, it displayed hints of an ingenious scheme of world domination. . . . a world where Racism is encouraged, and where Mr. Paperclip rule as the supreme governor secretly controlled by his ingenious creator Sir Bill Gates and disease carrier Dame Microsoft Word. I understand that this information may be overwhelming to some people but behold fellas, this is what happens to anything that tries to go against me. Only I'm allowed to dominate the world.