Santana" - Would you and your friends happen to hate their father?

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The weather wasn’t that great, me and another friend Tom was sitting outside his house having a smoke as his dad pulled up coming back from the local shooting range. He walks up to us and starts bragging about how much of an asshole he is, actually that’s what It seemed like, but he was actually trying to recount how he won the shooting competition out of 6 people. (me and Tom don’t really like him, Ill try explaining later in another entry but just picture this, a 50 year old man that has been sitting down to take a piss since he was born. That’s the impression he gives, and probably isn't far from the truth of the matter. I'd just also like to add that IF YOU ARE A GUY AND YOU SIT DOWN AND TO TAKE A PISS, YOU ARE ACUTALLY A GIRL YOUR MOTHER HAS LIED TO YOU AND SHOULD GET YOUR ENLARGED CLITORIS REMOVED)

Now let me get this clear, he wasn’t a finalist amongst 6, there were just 6 people participating in this tournament. And he won. The conversation went somewhat like this.

Dumbass "phew, that was awesome I just kicked ass in this shooting championship"

Me "oh yeah, how was it" (clearly not giving a shit about what he's saying)

Dumbass "it was awesome"

Me " okay….(long pause) did you win anything?"

Dumbass 'yeah look I won this awesome peanut slab"

I wasn’t sure that I had heard the right thing so I decided it was safer to reconfirm in case I had any hearing defects that I wasn't sure of.

Me " A what?"

Dumbass "a peanut slab, son"

I was right.

Tom (starting to laugh already) "you're an idiot are you sure you got the right prize?"

Dumbass(clearly not getting the message) " no its a peanut slab, here check it out"

Our friend dumbass over here whips out a full on chocolate bar infront of me and my friends eyes, we just couldn’t hold it in! I know it sounds terrible to you pussies out there, but I just fully cracked up in front of that bald fat man. Proudly pointing at him and watering my face with laughing tears.

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