RSC (guest blogger) - You and I practice in faggotory every single day.

Ok good as, my name is RSC. A lot of you might wanna call me that some time. That is, Random Shit Cunt. I'll be posting here from time to time...a guest writer if you will, because I don't have the time to talk about Windsor Castle, Kylie Minogue sexy time kitsets, and nae fucking quiche recipies with the two assholes that run this site.

Assholes and faggotory. You should realise right now that you and I both practice in faggotory and assholism (wtf is assholism anyway. I don't know but my English teacher should get an honourary doctorate for assholism) every single day. For example - that guy you cut off this morning without looking back to see if he was there? He called you an asshole, or a faggot. And he was some fucking christian moron, he would've thought about calling you asshole, or faggot, and Jesus would've stopped them - fair enough. "I didn't do that RSC you shitcunt, I'm the most exemplar driver you will ever meet in your life." Bullshit. If I take a litre of petrol inside every single person's fuel tank down my entire street for every traffic felony they commit every single day, I could run my car without ever having to go to fill up.

[No one is a good driver, even if you are an Asian you are not a good driver.

Some months ago a friend of mine, a really stupid friend told me that "he does not carry the Asian driver gene". The next day, he crashed. He is a fucking asshole and we call him Kevin - Santana" Fucking friends article]

"But you're being a faggot right now?" - EXACTLY. You dumbass, if you are asking this question as you are skim reading this article, you need to learn to read more attentively. If you are asking this question as you are carefully reading this article - you need to learn to remember the topic. For those nitwits who don't remember - here it is again: YOU AND I PRACTICE IN FAGGOTORY EVERY SINGLE DAY. That means me as well. I'm paying my part to faggotory right now by writing this article, what more could you want.

Is it possible that some people can be more a faggot than others? Yes, perhaps. Here's two of ma' faves, just to give you a taste of "World Faggotory":

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Sport Jock Faggots: Today I saw this guy, and he saw me, seemed like the sports jock fag type to me. All his friends were around him and he said hello to me. SO I said hello back. All his friends then cracked up. Great fucking achievement, dumbasses. But the great thing was I saw him again later and HE DID EXACTLY THE SAME THING in front of some other buddies. This time I had to stop. So I did, and I said "Hi man, nice to see you again, how was your weekend?" He was silent, the look on his face screamed to me that he was bewildered in my sudden adoption of assholism. I added the obligatory "YEAH BOIII" making the girl standing next to him laugh (probably at me but damn he must've felt totally awkward). What the fuck does this prove? Simple really, people who deliver faggotory and assholism on a regular basis cannot handle other people's faggotory and assholism. What a shame. Maybe I should've shared with him one of my quiche recipes but thats beside the point.

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Journalists that have NO FUCKING CLUE: Bear with me for a second. The other day I was on www.stuff.co.nz - in my opinion this is one of the greatest news websites in New Zealand - less clunkier than YahooXtra, and less complicated than NZ Herald online.

Note that I have to add, having absolutely no clue at all, or generally having no clue definitely counts as faggotory. If you don't agree with that, fuck yourself. This next section deals with the utter need for people to GET A CLUE.

This is when I happened to have stumbled across "Reuben Schwarz's Cool Kit Blog." This is a gadget blog. I love them, needless to say theres some real gems posted on this blog, but this one: http://www.stuff.co.nz/blogs/coolkit/2007/07/16/most-hated-gadgets/ - really killed it for me. He reponds to an earlier article posted on Stuff about "Most hated gadgets" - a British survey which proves once again my point of the fact that the world practices in faggotroy. Because at position two of the very official (sounding), DailyMail, most hated gadgets....THE BALL MOUSE. Oh please, the ball mouse paved the way for the current Optical and Laser mouse technologies. So I don't know about you Britain, but I'm going to hail the ball mouse as revolutionary instead of slagging it off. And by the way, faggots, optical mice are now about the same price as buying KFC for two. So please oh fucking please - even though you are bound to practice in some faggotory every day, you can at least try to limit your faggotory output.

Anyway, why don't we find out why this guy has NO FUCKING CLUE. Except for his number one complaint, DRM....this list is textbook faggotory.

"1) Car alarms. Damn them. Damn them to hell. There, I said it. It’s noise pollution and I don’t think they actually make any car safer anymore because everyone just ignores them."

Okay, I'm sure I haven't heard a fucking car alarm in at least a month. Where do you live? Otar....actually no let's not talk about Auckland crime today. No, definitely not - that'll take a few years to recount so fuck it, more on that at a later stage. FYI most modern car alarms do actually come inbuilt and are bundled with IMMOBILIZERS. Get a clue.

"2) Predictive text on mobiles. I can’t count how many times people have asked me to turn off predictive text on their phone, and it seems like every mobile does it slightly differently. It’s damn irritating. Why do the mobile makers put this on by default? Does anyone out there actually use it?"

BZZZT NEGATIVE! When I got my Motorola V3x (a fine, researched purchase), predictive text was switched OFF by default. When my friend got his Nokia, predictive text was switched OFF by default. When my mother got HER Nokia, predictive text was switched OFF by default. When my friend got his iPhone...no I don't have any friends with an iPhone, because I don't happen to have shitcunt fanboys/girls for friends (even though I am one myself...but who can ignore life's guilty pleasures). Get a clue.

"3) Ringtones. That Nokia one (Do do do do, do do do do, do do do do doooo) gets under my skin like nails on a chalkboard, but it beats T-Pain or Christina Aguilera (or worse, Hilary Duff or the Crazy Frog) any day of the week."

Firstly, WHAT THE FUCK IS Do do do do, do do do do, do do do do doooo. For your information, it is "Jangalanglang Jangalanglang Jangalanglanglaaaaaaaaaaaang." Or for people who don't have polyphonic it is "Dee Dee Dee Dee, Dee Dee Dee Dee Dee, Dee Dee Dee Dee Deeeeeeeeeeee." - I never heard of "Do do do do" anywhere. And I hear this ringtone a lot. Ok so mister, "I hate ringtones" - you need to realise, that you are writing a tech blog. You probably have a lot of these tech gadgets. If you were to say you didn't have a fucking ringtone on your cellphone, I would expect you to either miss ALL of your calls, or you to enjoy vibrations. Or you don't understand self expression. If the person likes Hilary Duff or Crazy Frog, let them be. At least they're getting called. That means they have people that like them. Why aren't you getting called. Oh yea thats right - because you don't have a clue. Get a clue.

"4) Microsoft error messages. It’s real nice that my computer tells me what went wrong, but “Error 38756: Could not access widget file” doesn’t really help most people figure out why their computer won’t connect to the Internet today."

Well fuck me you're computer illiterate too. Where the hell did you land your job?

That's it. I quite enjoyed some of the comments...especially this one (it relates to the 4th item on the list, just so you know):

"Also note that most people know that Google exists these days and can copy+paste an error message into it and come up with the solution almost instantly - it’s something that we’ve been told to do for years now. What’s more, most error messages typed into Google lead you to a site on the Microsoft Knowledge Base (http://support.microsoft.com/), which is written in plain English and is a helpful resource for any Windows Error message one can encounter."

Thanks Michael Smith. You did your country a great service.

OH but wait a second. Paul Wilson agrees with the ol' predictive text statement:

"I agree with predictive text, every time I buy a new mobile it’s the very first thing I do - anybody who uses it shouldn’t have a piece of technology so sophisticated as a cell phone."

First off - the cellphone is a very simple piece of technology. Just like the radio is a very simple piece of technology. Note that we've also had typewriters for a very long time. You should've just gone on and said "People that can't spell shouldn't own a typewriter" - Heck it would've saved you a bit of time and you would've still ended up sounding like an asshat. Congratulations Paul Wilson. You've completed your round of faggotory for today.

That's all I gotta say about that. I hope you take this into heart and lower your daily faggotory/assholism output.

-RSC