Santana" - Shitty feelings. Literally.

I've always wanted to write a really really dirty post. Smelly and all, and something that EVERYONE could have a laugh reading, especially when they find that they too, have had a similar satisfaction themselves. So here is all the satisfactions, accomplishments and embarrassing moments that I can think of. ( I may not have experienced some) Feel free to comment and add to the list along with the name that you would like to be credited under if you feel that I have left something out. I may categorize and re-list the entire entry at a later date.

The list of strange feelings you may encounter.

1. "Realizing there is no toilet paper AFTER you finished doing your business"

First one on the list and the most obvious, I'm bloody sure that everyone has ran into a case of "WHERE THE FUCK IS THE TOILET PAPER!". Whether you have just finished taking the dump or you realized it after you have taken off your pants and plumped onto the toilet, this sudden realization is a fucking bad one. If you are at a friends house? Even worse, believe me most friends will try and take advantage of your sudden vulnerability. Just wipe it with his fucking hand towels, if you're lucky he might even wipe his hands and find your hidden surprise.

2. "Long red streak marks on your thighs"

Not necessarily painful streak marks, but they are god damn annoying and they are usually associated with the next one on the list. This happens when you have rested your elbows on your thighs for a good 5 minutes plus, usually reading the newspaper or focusing on some other form of "during toilet entertainment" (e.g. PSPs, NDS, books, cell phone games, etc etc etc). Either that or you are constipated. In that case good luck on popping a forehead vein!

3. "Pins and needles"

You heard me, yeah pins and needles. A good buddy of Mr. Streak marks and they usually come to visit you in pairs. You are seldom let off from this annoying couple. Pins and needles render you powerless to even get up and run out of the stinking toilet. The occurrence of pins and needles also often leads to the growing awareness of the smelly cubicle you are in. What do you do? No choice really my friend, you'll have to wait it out., hold your breath or something.

4. "Thy wet poo poo"

Not only is the shit sloppy, but it leaves your ass extravagantly wet. This is the kind where even if you wipe your ass 20 times it still feels slimy.

5. "Spaghetti bolognaise. Without the spaghetti."

Awesome you have just dropped the A bomb in your toilet bowl. The mushroom cloud of piss, water and yellow brown liquid splashes up onto your butt cheeks. Usually the mixture is a pretty cold as well.

6. "Mr. Hankey looks corny"

Corn shit, this one is self explanatory.

7. "Burning anus, may be dipped with tomato sauce"

The jagged, rough and "bit too big" log causes a series of grazes and a massive burning sensation after passing through. Sometimes it is so hard that it even causes a rupture in the anus lining. This is when the tomato sauce is applied.

Got more that you would like to add? Comment or email!