When I was a kid, yea I was a kid once, my parents used to always tell me about a tooth fairy after I lost a tooth. I usually was too damn pissed off to care about that asshole fairy, I would be biting an apple or some shit and my tooth would have fallen out with the crunch. WHO EVER THE FUCK THAT TOLD ME IT WOULDN’T HURT IS A LIAR AND SHOULD BE SENT TO HELL ALONG WITH ME. Yea, it always hurt like a bitch. Sometimes I would shove my tiny hands into my mouth and twist that wiggling mother fucker out of its gap. That hurt too.
But yeah, my parents used to always try to con me into putting my tooth under the pillow in exchange for a 2 dollar coin or some shit. The gold coin lost its charm to me long before I knew how to change my baby teeth (Milk Teeth), I was into the solid 5 and 10 dollar notes back then. I didn’t like the tooth fairy, and neither should you. That son of a bitch is basically giving you 2 dollars for something that has been in your mouth for years, even the fillings should cost more than 2 dollars you cheap bastard.
I'm a collection freak I would either not collect something or if I did I would not stop until I collect the whole set. Hence my unwillingness to let the tooth fairy take away one of those little gems. But due to my parents constant nagging I deliberated an ingenious plan that Saturday night when I put my 2nd molar underneath my pillow : operation bust the fucking fairy in the jaw when he/she comes to take away my tooth. The out come? Here's vaguely
how it went.
8:30 - I put the tooth under my pillow and went to get ready to sleep
8:35 - I was in the bathroom brushing my teeth with "Colgate for kids" toothpaste on an awesome dinosaur toothbrush, also for kids.
8:37 - Finished brushing my teeth and whipped out my lizard and went for my before bedtime piss
8:40 - Went out into my lounge and told my parents I had finally given in and put my tooth underneath the pillow.
8:45 - Set up a door trap (my bed lamp's head slightly obstructing the door's pathway)
8:46 - I was in bed pretending to be soundly asleep (I'm a pretty cunning fuck when I was a kid as you can see)
8:55 - Still up and running, full of energy to kick that fairy's ass
9:00 - I fell asleep
Sometime around 11:30 - A small shifting sound of the bed lamp has awoken the sleeping devil, a dim corridor light spilled into the room projecting a dark silhouette onto the wall.
FUCK I was damn exited at that time, although slightly sleepy I was still eager to snap that stealthy cunt.
11:31 - I hooked my mum in the face.
The 2 dollar coin went rolling on the floor and made a sharp noise as it hit the metallic chair leg…..
[Dramatic pause]
I seriously didn’t know what to say at that time, I fully believed that the tooth fairy existed I had a mixture of feelings inside my stomach but fear was the biggest one. My mum being the fully agro bitch she is, put me in a headlock and escorted me to the living room and fully fucked me up (verbally, with no swear words) along with my heartless dad. What monsters the tooth fairies were.
Epilogue : Sadly up until now, the perfect set of my baby teeth is still missing 2 molars. 1 from that night and 1 I possibly swallowed along with bite of apple I ate. Man I hate teeth.
….and fucking tooth fairies.
6 comments:
Congrats Santana, this is definitely your best article yet. I thoroughly enjoyed it.
You are a fool an so is your family, let me tell you something scamming bitch:
1. I didn't ask you if you were going to cali this weekend
2. I don't even know you
3. I'm Santana so you can suck my cock now
Besides just alone by posting stupid comments on my blog means that you have legally admitted that you are an idiot and I am now legally in posession of : your life, house, boat, car, family members, children and your soul (plus any other asset that i failed to mention)
Bitch
This is funny as shit, love the site
Hey thanks man, check often I update every day usually. Thanks for your support.
[url=][/url]
[quote][Image] When I was a kid, yea I was a kid once, my parents used to always tell me about a tooth fairy after I lost a tooth. I usually was too damn pissed off to care about that asshole fairy, I would be biting an apple or some shit and my tooth would have fallen out with the crunch. WHO EVER THE FUCK THAT TOLD ME IT WOULDN’T HURT IS A LIAR AND SHOULD BE SENT TO HELL ALONG WITH ME. Yea, it always hurt like a bitch. Sometimes I would shove my tiny hands into my mouth and twist that wiggling mother fucker out of its gap. That hurt too. But yeah, my parents used to always try to con me into putting my tooth under the pillow in exchange for a 2 dollar coin or some shit. The gold coin lost its charm to me long before I knew how to change my baby teeth (Milk Teeth), I was into the solid 5 and 10 dollar notes back then. I didn’t like the tooth fairy, and neither should you. That son of a bitch is basically giving you 2 dollars for something that has been in your mouth for years, even the fillings should cost more than 2 dollars you cheap bastard. I'm a collection freak I would either not collect something or if I did I would not stop until I collect the whole set. Hence my unwillingness to let the tooth fairy take away one of those little gems. But due to my parents constant nagging I deliberated an ingenious plan that Saturday night when I put my 2nd molar underneath my pillow : operation bust the fucking fairy in the jaw when he/she comes to take away my tooth. The out come? Here's vaguelyhow it went. 8:30 - I put the tooth under my pillow and went to get ready to sleep 8:35 - I was in the bathroom brushing my teeth with "Colgate for kids" toothpaste on an awesome dinosaur toothbrush, also for kids. 8:37 - Finished brushing my teeth and whipped out my lizard and went for my before bedtime piss 8:40 - Went out into my lounge and told my parents I had finally given in and put my tooth underneath the pillow. 8:45 - Set up a door trap (my bed lamp's head slightly obstructing the door's pathway) 8:46 - I was in bed pretending to be soundly asleep (I'm a pretty cunning fuck when I was a kid as you can see) 8:55 - Still up and running, full of energy to kick that fairy's ass 9:00 - I fell asleep Sometime around 11:30 - A small shifting sound of the bed lamp has awoken the sleeping devil, a dim corridor light spilled into the room projecting a dark silhouette onto the wall. FUCK I was damn exited at that time, although slightly sleepy I was still eager to snap that stealthy cunt. 11:31 - I hooked my mum in the face. The 2 dollar coin went rolling on the floor and made a sharp noise as it hit the metallic chair leg….. [Dramatic pause] I seriously didn’t know what to say at that time, I fully believed that the tooth fairy existed I had a mixture of feelings inside my stomach but fear was the biggest one. My mum being the fully agro bitch she is, put me in a headlock and escorted me to the living room and fully fucked me up (verbally, with no swear words) along with my heartless dad. What monsters the tooth fairies were. Epilogue : Sadly up until now, the perfect set of my baby teeth is still missing 2 molars. 1 from that night and 1 I possibly swallowed along with bite of apple I ate. Man I hate teeth. ….and fucking tooth fairies.[/quote]
wow, seriously?!
Just thinking..
Post a Comment